Playing with Fire
by CaraMiaMilo
Summary: After the kiss, Rory and Jess decide to experiment, then deal with their emotions in the aftermath. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Rory awoke to a bright stream of light coming in her window and stretched, happy to be   
home in her own bed. Washington had been fun, but home was definitely better. After her   
flight landed yesterday morning, she'd hung out with her mom and grandparents in   
Hartford, getting back to Stars Hollow around 10:30 and falling right into bed.   
  
Rory showered and dressed; then noticed the note on the counter. 'Come meet me at   
Luke's when you wake up,' her mom had written. Rory was glad to know her mom and   
Luke had made up. She wandered out the back door, pensive. Going to Luke's meant   
that she would have to see Jess. They hadn't talked since she had kissed him at Sookie's   
wedding.   
  
'It's going to be so weird," she thought aloud.   
  
She stopped, shaking her head. "You're totally talking to yourself, Rory. Babette's going   
to think you're loopy."  
  
"Babette may not be the one you should be worried about." A male voice behind her   
made her jump.  
  
"Jess!" Think of the devil and he appears, she thought. Fortunately she managed not to   
say that aloud. "What are you doing here?" she stammered.  
  
"I heard your mom tell Luke you were coming over. Thought I'd 'accidentally' run into   
you. What's going to be weird?"   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You said something was going to be weird. What?"  
  
Rory gestured between them. "This. Talking to you. We haven't…"   
  
"I know. I guess...that's why I'm here. Clear the air."  
  
"Yeah. Wise idea." Rory looked down at her feet, then back up at him. "I have no idea what to say next."  
  
"Honesty generally works."  
  
"I honestly don't know what to say next."  
  
"OK." He shoved his hands in his pockets nervously. "I can talk."  
  
Jess moved closer so he could watch her face, and his voice softened. "I was glad   
you kissed me, Rory. I wanted to kiss you when you came to the city." He chuckled.   
"Only reason I didn't is that I thought you'd tell Dean and he'd kick my ass. But   
I like it when you kiss me." Her eyes got wide and warm and he suppressed the urge   
to kiss her again.  
  
"I know you've got a boyfriend, so if the kiss didn't mean anything that's okay.   
We're still good. Do what makes you happy. There won't be any consequences from me."  
  
Rory felt a little dizzy. She knew she was grinning but couldn't stop herself. "How do   
you do that, Jess?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Always say exactly what I want you to say. Even when I don't know what I want you to   
say." He shrugged. "Follow me." Rory led him into the house. She picked up the phone   
in the living room and dialed.  
  
"Mom? Hey. Listen, I just got up and I wanna hang out here at home for awhile. Can you   
eat without me? Yeah, I found those Frosted Flakes we bought last year. A couple of   
hours. I'll come to the Inn for lunch; I wanna see Sookie. Great. Love you. Bye."  
  
Rory hung up the phone and turned to face Jess, who was leaning up against the   
doorjamb going into the kitchen. "Can I really do whatever I want?"   
  
"Yeah."  
  
"OK." Rory fidgeted and smiled nervously at him. "I want to kiss you again."   
  
Jess watched her with a languorous expression in his eyes that made her feel warm all   
over. "What about Dean?"  
  
"I know. I guess I need to break up with him, if I'm going to be kissing you." Rory sat   
down on the couch. "That's the only difficult part. There's a part of me that just doesn't   
want to end it yet."  
  
"So don't. I can keep a secret if you can."   
  
"What, just make out with you behind his back? That would be setting him up to get   
hurt."  
  
Jess shrugged. "Not if he doesn't ever find out about it."  
  
"This is Stars Hollow, Jess. He'll find out." She turned, leaning back against the arm of   
the sofa and tucking her legs under her. "Besides, it'd be cheating. I'm generally a very   
honest person. I don't even cheat at videogames."   
  
He crossed the room and sat down beside her. "OK, so tell him. But don't hate me when   
you realize that I'm not a good substitute."  
  
"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that comment." Rory looked at her fingers,   
nervously threading them together in her lap. "Are you planning on being a lousy   
boyfriend?"  
  
"Are you planning on my being your boyfriend?" Rory's expression was confused, and   
Jess felt like the villain everyone thought him for shattering her illusions. "I'm not like   
Dean, Rory. We're good together, but it won't be flowers and romance and friendship   
bracelets...all that innocent shit that would impress your mother."  
  
She looked a bit crestfallen, almost pained as she pulled her knees up to her chest and   
wrapped her arms around them. She didn't meet his eyes. "So what would it be like, Jess?   
If I said I wanted you for a boyfriend?"  
  
Jess could feel his heart racing. He stood up and began to pace. "We'd be friends. Equals.   
No games; no roles set by society. I wouldn't protect you or shelter you. I respect your   
ability to take care of yourself, and I'm not the adoring puppy type." He stopped, running his   
fingers through his hair. "It would just be us, together, making each other as happy as we   
can."  
  
Rory looked directly at him, "That doesn't sound so bad."  
  
Jess returned her stare. "What if you discover that you're just experimenting with me but   
are still in love with him?"  
  
Rory grinned. "Are you asking if I just want you for your body?" She made a show of ogling   
him. "It's such a nice body."  
  
Jess chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that's what I'm asking. I heard..." Jess's voice trailed off   
as he stumbled for the right words.   
  
"What, Jess?" Rory's voice was curious. "You can say anything. I won't get mad."  
  
"I heard you telling Lane about kissing me before you went to Washington."  
  
Rory jumped to her feet, interrupting him. "You eavesdropped!"  
  
"You said you wouldn't get mad."   
  
"I'm not mad!" Jess raised an eyebrow and she crossed her arms, avoiding eye contact.   
Her face was red. "I'm not mad. I'm embarrassed. You weren't meant to hear that   
conversation."   
  
Jess stuck his hands in his pockets and spoke bluntly. "I'm not sorry I listened. You left   
without talking to me. If I hadn't overheard I wouldn't have had any idea what to make of   
your kissing me and then running away. I might have been angry at you for leaving. I   
might have assumed it didn't mean anything to you and found someone else. Instead I   
understood that you were confused."  
  
Rory nodded, and he continued. "You said you could tell that I was more experienced than   
Dean, and that you didn't know if you were falling for me or if you were just curious about   
what it would feel like to have sex with someone who knew what he was doing."   
  
Rory's face got even redder. "You were NOT supposed to hear that."  
  
"It's a normal thing to wonder about." Jess's eyes darkened and he struggled to keep his voice  
neutral. "Look, I have been trying to make you want me, and I feel like I confused you. So my   
point is, if you want to experiment a little with me, figure out what you're feeling but not   
give up your perfect small town boyfriend, that's fine."  
  
Rory walked toward him, never breaking eye contact, and took his hand. They stood a   
few inches apart, just watching each other, and then Rory slipped her arms around his   
waist, closed her eyes, and pressed her mouth to his. Jess tangled his fingers in her hair   
and pressed the other hand in the small of her back, holding her to him and fighting the   
rising wave of emotion that was flooding through him. Rory broke the kiss, keeping her   
face just centimeters from his. "I thought about this when I was in Washington." She   
averted her eyes. "I felt guilty but I never dreamed about Dean. In my fantasies it's   
always you. I'm not completely confused."  
  
Jess claimed her lips again, turning her so she was leaning against the wall. His hands slid   
between her shirt and shorts and caressed the tender skin at her waist, and she pressed   
into him, overwhelmed by the sensation. His hands cupped her hips and pressed her even   
closer, then suddenly he stopped kissing her and lifted her off the floor.   
  
"Wrap your legs around my waist and hang on," he said, smiling at her. Rory complied,   
and giggled when he started to carry her into the kitchen.   
  
"Jess, what are you doing!"  
  
"I'm supposed to be teaching you, right? Well, people generally study at a table." He set   
her down on the kitchen table and stood between her legs. "Be sure to take notes."  
  
He reached to the back of her head and pulled her hair out of its ponytail, running his   
fingers through it and splaying it around her shoulders. "Beautiful." He reached for her   
hand and pressed his lips to the pulse in her wrist, making her shudder. With her other   
hand, she grabbed the edge of the table, and she watched, transfixed, as Jess's mouth   
caressed her palm and kissed the tips of her fingers, his eyes never leaving her face.   
  
Jess grabbed her legs behind her knees and pulled, wrapping her legs around his waist   
again just as his mouth landed on hers. The feel of her legs at his waist was incredibly   
intimate. He couldn't help himself—-his imagination tortured him with images of her   
wrapping them around him in bed...  
  
He leaned forward so she was bent back toward the tabletop and stroked his lips against   
hers, holding her against his chest. Her bottom lip was warm and swollen, and he drew it   
into his mouth, dragging his tongue back and forth against it. Rory caught her breath and   
he heard a pleading moan in the back of her throat. The sound cut to his heart, and Jess   
deepened the kiss, cradling her head in his hands and plunging his tongue deep into her   
mouth, dueling with her tongue and stroking her palate until she was sobbing beneath   
him.  
  
Jess broke the kiss and pulled back from her. He held her with his left arm while he   
dragged gentle fingers down her torso—-over her sternum, between her breasts,   
across her belly. As beautiful as her body was, he watched her face, savoring her   
reactions. He slid his hand up to cup the underside of her breast through the fabric of her   
top, dragging his thumb across the nipple. Rory's lips had parted and she was panting,   
watching his hand. She fought the instinct to move her hips against him; she could feel   
how hard he was, and she'd read enough to know that the friction would arouse him   
further.   
  
Her legs were still wrapped around his waist, and Jess could feel the tension in her hips.   
"Don't fight it, Rory. Relax. Move if you want. I'll be able to control it."   
  
He moved her arms so that she was leaning back on her hands, supporting herself, and   
cupped both her breasts in his hands. He traced circles around the tips with his thumbs,   
and Rory couldn't resist. She whimpered, and ground her hips hard against him, tightening   
her grip around his waist. Jess gritted his teeth, but kept his hands gentle. He covered   
her completely with his palms, warming her, and felt her nipples contract further through   
the thin cotton of her bra and shirt.   
  
Rory arched her back, pushing herself deeper into Jess's hands. She couldn't believe how   
he made her feel. Even in her wildest dreams—-she'd never imagined this compulsive   
need to press herself against him, or how tightly the muscles in her lower abdomen would   
contract with tension and desire. She'd always thought she'd be nervous about letting a   
man see her without her clothes, but as Jess circled the outer edge of her breasts with his   
fingertips she fought the urge to pull her tank over her head and bare her breasts to his   
hands. Her mouth had gone dry and she swallowed, licking her lips.   
  
The sight of her tongue moistening her mouth was intoxicating, and Jess moaned, sliding   
his arm around her back and pulling her mouth toward his. He clamped a hand against the   
small of her back and pushed the swell of his erection against her, mirroring the rhythm   
of his hips with his tongue. Rory went limp in his arms, parting her legs and meeting his   
thrusts while tangling her tongue against his.   
  
Jess let her go and backed away from her to lean against the kitchen cabinet. His lips   
were swollen, his pupils large. "If I pick you up again, the next room over is your   
bedroom. We should stop now."   
  
Rory nodded and stared at him, smiling slightly.   
  
Jess returned the smile. "So. We keeping secrets? "  
  
"Yes. For a little while. Everyone else makes it messy."   
  
"Don't feel guilty." His gaze was intense and her face heated.  
  
"I think I'll feel guilty."   
  
Jess pulled out a chair and sat on it, backwards, in front of her. He leaned his arms   
against the chair back and looked up at her. "He's the jealous type. He'd be jealous no   
matter what."  
  
"Understatement." She reached out and played with his hair. "He thinks I'm cheating just   
for talking to you."  
  
Jess caught her hand and stroked it. "Do you want me not to talk to you in public until   
you decide what you want?"  
  
"No," Rory's voice was determined. "Being your friend has nothing to do with being his   
girlfriend. He has to deal with that no matter what. Just treat me the same way you   
always have."  
  
"Maybe a little less flirting in public. Dean has a point—-we do want each other." He   
smirked a little at her. " If we flirt in public while we're experimenting in private..."  
  
"Right. I understand. Sparks. No need to send smoke signals." Rory blushed, but smiled.   
  
Jess nodded. "In private, I'll do anything with you short of actual sex. I'm not taking your   
virginity just to teach you what it feels like. And I'll tell you anything you want to know   
about me, my life in New York, whatever. But if you haven't made a decision by a month   
from now, I end this; my self-control is pretty impressive but I won't be able to do this   
forever without getting frustrated. Okay?"  
  
Rory nodded, still smiling, and Jess stood up. "I'd better get back to the diner now   
before I give in and rip that top off you." He put the chair back under the table, shoving   
his hands in his pockets. "Promise me you'll do what makes you happy, Rory. Promise   
me you won't pick him because the town thinks he's better for you. That's all I ask."  
  
"I promise."   
  
Jess looked into her eyes for just a moment, then smiled. "Ciao, bella." He turned   
toward the back door.   
  
"Jess, wait!" Rory threw her arms around him and pressed her lips against his for just a   
moment. She turned him around and gently pushed him out the door. "Go. Go, before I   
do something I'll regret in the morning…"   
  
And then he was gone, and she walked dazedly into her room, smiling. She stopped in the   
middle of her room and the excitement got the better of her…  
  
"YES!!" 


	2. Chapter 2

Rory sat in the diner, drinking coffee and trying not to watch Jess. She still   
couldn't believe the events of the previous day, and she wanted just to stare at   
him as he moved around the room, remembering what his body felt like pressed   
against hers. Her face heated, and she lifted the mug to her face, hiding in the   
steam.   
  
She saw Jess leave the diner and head for the storeroom, and she couldn't   
resist. The diner was basically empty, just Saul, and he wasn't a gossip. Rory   
slipped off her stool and followed Jess into the back.  
  
He was standing against the back wall, pulling something off a shelf when she   
slipped through the doorway, quietly closing the door behind her. He heard the   
click and turned, his breath catching in his throat when he saw her.   
  
"Rory," his voice was husky. "Did you want something?"  
  
She smiled langorously, her eyes warm. "Oh yes. I definitely want something."   
  
Jess closed his eyes and, to her complete surprise, blushed. A self-deprecating   
smile crept across his face and he shook his head. "Come here."   
  
She crossed the room, keeping her eyes on his face and her mouth curved in the   
seductive smile. He couldn't believe how open she was. He should have known when   
she kissed him, but she'd run away and he'd thought...she stopped a few inches in   
front of him, and he couldn't think of anything but her.  
  
He placed his hands on her neck and dragged his fingernails along the line of her   
collarbone, watching as her chest raised up into his touch. He could read the passion  
on her face. 'Wonder if she wanted me like this when she came to see me?' he wondered.  
  
He slid his hands down her arms, cupping her elbows and lifting her toward him.   
Her hands landed on his waist as she captured his lower lip between her teeth,   
and he turned them, pinning her against the wall. She gasped, feeling his weight   
press against her.   
  
Jess slid a hand to her shoulder and slipped the strap of her tank aside. He saw the   
pulse in her neck jump and leaned toward her, tracing the vein with his tongue. He   
slid his mouth down across her jawline, and she dropped her head back to give him more  
access to her neck. His lips burned against the hollow of her neck and his arms lifted   
her toward him. Rory leaned her weight against the wall, her hands stroking Jess's hair   
and holding him against her, giving in completely to the sensation.  
  
"What the hell!" Luke's confused voice abruptly brought them back to earth. Jess   
pulled away and set her down, shielding her from Luke's gaze until she could   
collect herself. Their eyes met, and they turned to face Luke.   
  
"Rory, just tell me that you gave him permission first."  
  
Rory nodded.   
  
"OK." Luke sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Lorelei doesn't know."  
  
Rory shook her head. "No. Nobody does."  
  
Luke nodded. "That means Dean." Rory averted her eyes and Jess slid an arm   
around her waist. "So you're not dating, then. You're just..."  
  
"We don't owe you an explanation, Luke," Jess said.   
  
"Geez, Jess, don't get defensive. I'm not mad at you." Luke pulled off his cap   
and rubbed his head. "You're just playing with fire. Sneaking around...when I   
came in here..." Luke looked uncomfortable. He glanced at Rory. "Your   
mother's worst nightmare."   
  
Jess wrapped his arms around Rory and pulled her against him. "I know how to   
protect her, Luke." He felt Rory's breath catch at the implication. "I'm not   
completely inexperienced. I'm not going to get her pregnant."   
  
"Accidents happen, Jess."   
  
"Luke..."   
  
Jess's voice held a warning tone, and Luke realized he was embarrassing Rory. He sighed.   
"I'm not going to tell anyone what I saw, although Lorelei will probably never speak   
to me again when she finds out I knew. Just be careful, ok?"   
  
Luke's voice was resigned and a little frustrated. "Come and talk to me if   
you...need anything. And try not to sneak around any longer than you have   
to." He turned to leave the storeroom. "Lorelei's going to kill me. Hell,   
Taylor's going to kill me. Taylor may kill us all," he muttered as he   
closed the door behind him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: sexual situations  
  
Jess crept up the steps to the back porch and silently moved over to Rory's window,   
mentally crossing his fingers. 'It'll be unlocked,' he thought. He pried his fingers around   
the ledge and relaxed when he felt the narrow space beneath the dash. 'Atta' girl, Rory,' he   
grinned. 'Wonder how long she waited before she fell asleep?' He slid the window open   
slowly, and climbed through it, standing by her bed and watching the gentle rise and fall   
of her chest under the blankets. He pulled off his shoes, kneeling by the bed. Rory rolled   
onto her side to face him, but didn't open her eyes. 'Awake?' he wondered. She looked   
asleep, and he choked back the emotions that swelled in his throat.   
  
He reached out and traced the outline of her lips with the edge of his thumb. Her brow   
furrowed and she pouted her lips. Jess smoothed a hair off her forehead and followed the   
curve of her face, resting his fingertip on the pulse in her neck. He felt the familiar flow   
of heat to his groin and fidgeted. 'Should have worn looser pants,' he thought.   
  
Jess pulled the sheet back slightly, revealing the slope of Rory's shoulder. His pupils   
darkened as he saw only bare skin; she'd gone to bed without her top. And she'd known he   
was coming. 'Breathe,' he told himself. He traced her collarbone, then ran his hand   
gently along the base of her throat. Rory moaned and opened her eyes. She smiled slightly,   
blinking her eyes sleepily, then sat up, allowing the sheet to fall to her waist.   
  
Jess thought he might explode. His heart was about to burst. If he'd ever had a doubt that   
he loved her, it was gone. And his groin posed a much more literal risk of explosion. He   
set his hands on her waist and fought for control. He couldn't believe she was letting him   
see her like this. Incredible...  
  
Rory placed her hands on Jess's shoulders and drew him toward her. He climbed onto the   
bed next to her, the sheet separating their legs. He looked down at her in the faint light   
from the streetlamps, and hoped she could see in his face how beautiful he thought she   
was. He wasn't capable of speech. She reached up and traced his lips, and he bit at her   
finger, sucking it forcefully into his mouth.   
  
Rory's eyes widened and her lips parted. "Jess," she whispered. "I want...please." She   
arched her back, raising her breasts toward him, and he covered one breast with his lips,   
cupping the other in his hand. He gave in to the sensations racing through his body and   
wrapped his leg around her thighs, trapping her in between his legs and clamping her to   
him.   
  
Jess circled her tight nipple with his tongue, alternately suckling and stroking, while he   
dragged his fingers along the bottom swell of her breast. Rory's legs parted under the   
sheet and Jess slid between them, momentarily remembering to be grateful for the barrier.   
He lifted himself up and his mouth crept down over her flat stomach. She clutched her   
hands in his hair, and he gave up on conscious thought. He grabbed the sheet, pulling it   
and throwing it aside, simultaneously relieved and disappointed to see that she was   
wearing low-slung sweatpants. He grasped her low on the sides of her hips and dragged his   
tongue along the top seam of the sweats, watching her. Her face contorted and he tilted   
his head to suckle the tender skin on the side of her waist. His blood surged when he   
heard her bite back a cry. 'This is Rory,' he thought. 'That sound...because of me...'   
  
Rory pulled at the shoulders of his shirt. "Jess, please," she whimpered. He sat up and   
pulled his shirt over his head, then lowered himself over her, his hands above her   
shoulders, his erection pressing between her legs. She wrapped her legs around him, and   
he threw his head back, clenching his fists against the urge to rip their clothes off and   
bury himself inside of her. "Rory," he groaned. "We can't do this. We have to stop."  
  
She rose up on her elbows, brushing her breasts against his chest. "I don't want to stop,   
Jess. I want to touch you." She lay back and tightened her legs around him. "I want you   
to make love to me."   
  
Jess felt the flames consume him as he crushed Rory to him, capturing her mouth and   
plunging his tongue deep inside her mouth. He couldn't get enough of tasting her. He  
stood, inhaling deeply several times, and unbuttoned his jeans. Rory's breath   
caught in her throat as she watched him undress. He lay down beside her in only his   
boxers. "You can touch me. But these," he tugged at the waistband of her sweats,   
"these stay on. I told you anything but actual sex. I'm not risking getting you   
pregnant. One of us has to stay at least partially clothed."   
  
She nodded. The short separation had given them space to regain control. Rory reached   
beside the bed and picked up the top she usually slept in, pulling it on over her head   
and hiding her breasts from his gaze. "Sad, but wise." His voice turned husky again.   
"Touch me, Rory."   
  
Rory kept her position beside Jess and reached her hands out to stroke his chest. She   
tentatively traced the outline of his flat male nipple with her index finger and he   
grimaced, arching his back slightly and tensing. She jerked her hand back and whispered,   
"I'm sorry…"   
  
Jess relaxed and smiled at her. "Don't be. It felt good."  
  
"Oh." She smiled back. "You grimaced."  
  
He chuckled softly. "It felt a little too good."  
  
"Oh." She bit her lip. He could tell she was blushing. "Can I do it again?"  
  
Jess blew out his breath and gripped the sheet below him in his fists. "Go ahead."   
  
Rory reached her hands out, pressing her palms against his stomach. She slid her hands   
up his chest, dragging her palms against him and causing his nipples to tighten. Jess   
closed his eyes and bit his lip, resisting the urges she aroused in him. Just as he calmed   
his breathing, she curled her fingers and dragged her nails softly across the taut buds, and   
he groaned in the back of his throat. Rory saw his arousal lift and felt heat pool between   
her legs. 'This is how it happens,' she thought. 'This is how to lose control. From   
watching him want me.'   
  
But her curiosity got the better of her, and she reached her hand out, placing it over his   
erection and pressing slightly. With only the thin fabric of his boxers between him and   
her hand, Jess felt his control slipping away. His hips bucked against her, and she slid her   
fingers underneath the elastic waistband, pulling down and leaving him exposed to her   
seeking hands.   
  
"Rory," he gasped. He felt her fingers gingerly exploring him. "Oh God, Rory." His head   
tossed and he gripped the sheets so tightly she thought he might rip them.   
  
Rory's senses were overloaded. "Jess," she murmured. She wrapped her fingers around   
him and clenched her fist, stunned at his immediate and fierce reaction. Jess buried his   
moan into a pillow and pushed into her hand, then grabbed her wrist and pushed her away   
from him, throwing his legs off the bed and sitting up. He straightened his boxers,   
then rested his forehead in his hands and breathed deeply. Rory reached out and touched   
his shoulder. "Jess, what's wrong?"   
  
He grasped her hand and brought it to his lips, then turned and pulled her into his arms,   
kissing her forehead gently. "Nothing's wrong. You're wonderful. Beautiful. You make   
me completely lose control."   
  
"Why did you stop me?"  
  
He leaned against the back of her bed, pulling her with him. "Because I was losing   
control." He snuggled his face against her neck. "You were going to make me come in   
your hand."   
  
"Oh." Rory blushed. "Why is that bad?"  
  
"It's not bad, exactly." He held her closer, trying to find the right words. "I just..."   
He sighed. Might as well just be blunt. "I don't want your first serious sexual experience   
to be jerking me off. You're too good to just...service me like that." She was leaning   
against his chest and he stroked her hair. "You deserve to be made love to first. D'you   
understand?"  
  
He felt her nod and her arms went around him.   
  
It was important that she know something. "I didn't stop you because I didn't want..."   
  
She reached up and kissed him. "I get it." She rested her head on his shoulder again.   
"Thank you."   
  
He forced a deep breath, trying to fully calm down. "You're welcome."   
  
He sat holding her for a few more minutes before loosening his grip and moving to get   
dressed. "I should go. Gotta sneak back into the diner before Luke gets out of R.E.M."   
  
Rory snuggled down into her pillows, pulling her comforter over her and watching him   
dress. "I wish you could stay."   
  
"Me too." He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to gently brush his lips against   
her temple. She was already falling asleep. "G'night."   
  
"Night, Jess," she mumbled. "Love you."   
  
His heart stopped and he stared at her, his eyes pricking. "What..." he started, but she   
was already asleep.   
  
'In your dreams, Mariano,' he thought. 'You're sleep-deprived and frustrated and it's 3am.   
She didn't say that.' He tucked the blanket around her shoulders and sighed, crossing the   
room to climb out the window. He closed it snugly, then headed for home. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jess slipped in the door of the diner. His mind was reeling from what he'd just   
experienced with Rory. He leaned up against the doorjamb and closed his eyes, trying to   
steel himself against the torrent of emotions she aroused in him.   
  
'Jesus, Mariano,' he chided himself. 'Get a grip.' He walked toward the stairs to the   
apartment. 'She's not going to choose you, so just enjoy what you've got.' His memory   
tormented him with images of her: sitting up in bed and baring her body to him; watching   
him as she caressed his chest; smiling as she fell asleep. "Fuck!" he cursed quietly,   
smashing a fist into his hand. 'She's just using you to rebel, to explore a little. It doesn't   
mean anything. You do NOT want her to fall in love with you.'   
  
Jess opened the door to the apartment and stepped in, shutting the door and leaning   
against it.   
  
"Who am I kidding?" he muttered.  
  
"Not me," said a voice from the couch. "Nice of you to come home."  
  
Jess snorted sheepishly. "Yeah, well, I figured it'd blow whatever chance you have left   
with Lorelei if she found me naked in her daughter's bed at 3am."  
  
"Tell me you're making that up just to piss me off." Jess was silent, and Luke swore   
loudly. "Shit!" He reached over and turned on a light, and Jess winced. "What are you   
doing, Jess? You know she's following your lead."  
  
Jess nodded. "I think I'm in over my head."  
  
Luke sighed. "You're in love with her." Jess nodded again. "Do you want to talk about   
it?"   
  
Jess smirked. "You gonna give me advice about women?"  
  
Luke leaned back against the couch and clenched his fists in his hair. "Misery loves   
company."   
  
Jess sat on the couch next to him and mirrored his pose. "I'm not going to hurt her, Luke.  
I know where I stand. She's just experimenting and I'm more experienced than Dean."  
  
"How can you tell?" Luke sounded skeptical.   
  
"Well, I kissed him in the gazebo and he just didn't know what to do with his hands..."  
  
"Jess..."  
  
Jess leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I heard her tell Lane she didn't know whether   
she was falling for me or just wanted to know what it feels like with someone who knows what   
he's doing."  
  
Luke's face twisted into a sympathetic grimace. "Something else not to mention to Lorelei."  
  
Jess chuckled. "I want a cigarette."  
  
Luke shot him a disparaging glance. "I don't wanna know that."  
  
Jess snorted. "NO." He shot Luke a "for pete's sake" look. "It's Rory. We didn't...I wouldn't...not   
like this. I want the skag because I'm tense."  
  
Luke nodded. "Personally, I want a drink."   
  
That wasn't what he expected Luke to say. "You don't drink."  
  
"You don't smoke."   
  
"When was the last time you drank?" Jess was genuinely curious.  
  
"The night Lorelei told me she was marrying Max."   
  
Jess nodded in sympathy, but then chuckled. "Lorelei's just twisted enough to appreciate   
that she caused you to do something unhealthy."  
  
"I've never been so sick in my life. That's the only thing that's kept me from spending   
the weeks since she yelled at me in a booze-induced stupor."  
  
"She's miserable, you know. She really misses you."  
  
"She misses my coffee. She'd never date me, Jess."  
  
Jess snorted again. "Curse of the Gilmores." He leaned forward and rested his forehead   
on his hands. "At least she doesn't touch you."  
  
"How long you gonna keep that up?"  
  
"I told her a month. I'll be fucking insane by then. I didn't expect..."  
  
"There's a half-bottle of whiskey in the cabinet above the fridge."  
  
Jess laughed. "I'll be sure to remember that. I think the cold showers are about to completely stop working..." 


	5. Chapter 5

Rory slid into the spot next to Jess on the secluded bench just off the square.   
  
"Whatcha reading, diner-boy?" Jess held up his book. "Salman Rushdie, Fury. Never heard of it."  
  
"It's set in New York." He smiled at her.  
  
"Wow, Rushdie and New York. That must be exciting." Rory turned so she was slouching on the bench next to him.  
  
"Not as exciting as you."   
  
His voice was provocative and she blushed. "Jess!" she chastised him, but he could see her start to smile.  
  
"I thought you were avoiding me in public."   
  
"Well, this isn't exactly completely public." Rory gestured to the deserted street.  
  
"Oh?" Jess raised his eyebrows. "So I can say suggestive things to you, after all?"  
  
Rory fidgeted and smiled a little more, watching her shoes. "How suggestive?"  
  
Jess twisted slightly to face her. That wasn't the sarcastic response he was expecting. "Hmmm, she fidgets." He smiled slightly, his eyes intense. "Do words arouse you, Rory? I should have known that they would. That's something we haven't really done yet, have we?" His voice was soft but deep. "Do you know that I can see the pulse in your neck throbbing? Your skin there is so beautiful. So soft. I kissed you there in the storeroom, and my face was buried in your hair, and I felt like I was completely enveloped--do you know how amazing it feels to me to touch you? Do you know what you do to me, Rory?" He moved slightly closer to her, leaning against the back of the bench. "I can tell from your pulse that your heart is racing. If we weren't sitting outside on a park bench, if we were back in your room like we were last night, I could stand behind you and slide my hands under your shirt so I could feel your heart beat. And touching you would make me want to pull that sweater over your head and find the pulse in your stomach, then press my lips against it like I did last night when you were lying underneath me..."  
  
Rory had dropped her head back and was looking at him with unconcealed longing. "Jess..."  
  
He reached out and traced his finger along the vein in her neck, remembering what it was like to kiss her there and feel her pulse jump.  
  
"Rory!" They jumped apart at the voice, and Rory turned to see Lane running toward them. "Rory, guess what? I..." Lane stopped behind the bench and stared at Rory, who was struggling to keep her arousal off her face. "Oh. I think I interrupted something. I'm sorry..."  
  
Jess grabbed his book and jacket and stood up. "No problem. I need to get back to the diner anyway. Girl-talk away. Bye Rory. Lane." He walked off, and Rory fell back down onto the bench, looking a little stunned.   
  
"Okay, dish." Lane plopped down on the bench next to her and stared at her friend. "What was just going on with you and James Dean?" Rory just blinked at her. "Come 'on! Snap out of it! You have to tell me! I can't stand the suspense!"  
  
Rory inhaled. "It's a long story."  
  
"Believe it or not, I have time. I live for these moments of intrigue. Start at the beginning..."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Lane stared at her friend, aghast at the story she'd just heard.   
  
"Say something, Lane." Rory's hands were nervous. "Anything."   
  
Lane inhaled and blew out the breath. "Wow."  
  
"OK, say more than that!" Rory begged.  
  
"In your bed." Lane shook her head. "WOW."  
  
"That's not enough more, Lane." Rory's face was nervous.   
  
Lane smirked. "Very sexy. I am so jealous. And you are SO lucky your mom didn't catch you." The smirk turned into a grin. "So we should jump up and down and say 'ooh ooh ooh' or something."   
  
Rory grinned back. "I am all about 'ooh ooh ooh' right now." She leaned back against the bench and shook her head. "I just can't believe the way he makes me feel."   
  
"So I hate to burst the romantic bubble here, but what are you going to do about Dean?"   
  
Rory's face fell. "I'm gonna break up with him. I'm just having trouble working up the heart to do it. It'll make him unhappy and I just don't relish the thought of making him unhappy. I wish he'd break up with me."  
  
Lane looked pensive. "Well, if he found out about last night I think you'd get your wish." Rory looked at her incredulously.  
  
"A leak?" Rory snorted. "You mean leak our 'relationship' to the Stars Hollow gossip chain? You've got to be kidding!"   
  
"Hey," Lane threw up her hands in mock surrender. "I'm not suggesting that we make him find out, just that it would work to get him to break up with you."  
  
"Yeah, but it would hurt him so badly." Rory sat up and turned to look at Lane. "How am I going to tell him this, Lane? How do you tell someone who loves you that you're in love with somebody else?"   
  
Lane shook her head, her expression serious. "I don't know. I'm not jealous about this part. I think you just have to come right out and tell him."   
  
"Maybe I could write him a letter."   
  
"I don't think so." Lane shook her head. "You'd probably say it better if you write it out first, but you kind of owe it to him to do it face-to-face."   
  
Rory nodded. "But I'm going to feel so awful when I see his expression when I tell him. I'm almost scared I'm gonna chicken out and not be able to go through with it!"   
  
Lane's expression was sympathetic. "Like I said, if you decide you want it leaked just tell me and I shall attempt to create a hole in the pipe."   
  
"There has to be a mixed metaphor in there, but it's so mixed up I can't find it."   
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Lane grinned. "So tell me what you guys were doing when I walked up..." 


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone! SORRY it's taken me so long to update. And THANK YOU ALL so   
very very much for the wonderful comments. They are sustaining.   
  
Be sure to re-read chapter 5 because I added stuff to it.   
  
This one's sort of pretentiously literary I think, but I'm getting over a bit of writer's block   
so please bear with me and try to revel in it! :)  
  
For the curious, or perhaps just for the record, here is the poem Jess quotes, by Charles Bukowski, called The Retreat:  
  
this time has finished me.  
  
I feel like the German troops  
whipped by snow and the communists  
walking bent  
with newspapers stuffed into  
worn boots.  
  
my plight is just as terrible.  
maybe more so.  
  
victory was so close  
victory was there.  
  
as she stood before my mirror  
younger and more beautiful than  
any woman I had ever known  
combing yards and yards of red hair  
as I watched her.  
  
and when she came to bed   
she was more beautiful than ever  
and the love was very very good.  
  
eleven months.  
  
now she's gone  
gone as they go.  
  
  
this time has finished me.  
  
it's a long road back  
and back to where?  
  
the guy ahead of me   
falls.  
  
I step over him.  
  
did she get him too?  
  
  
  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Rory sat in the diner, chewing on a pencil and watching Jess clean up. Her book sat   
ignored in front of her, the coffee he'd just refilled getting cold beside her.   
  
He leaned against the broom and looked back at her. "Aren't you afraid someone'll see you in here?"  
  
"Nah." Rory put down her pencil and sipped the coffee, making a face. "Hmm. Remind   
me that pencil paint and coffee don't really go together."   
  
Jess smirked at her. "Some Ivy Leaguer you are! That's classic student fare there, m'am.   
Forget burgers and fries. It's all about ramen noodles, coffee, and pencil shavings."   
  
"Well, I've got the coffee down. Which means if anyone sees me in here they'll just think   
I'm craving."  
  
"Yeah, Luke's diner is a great place to get your stimulants." He winked at her.   
  
"Oh yes. Very stimulating indeed." She smiled and her eyes were warm and knowing.   
  
"I'm almost done here. You wanna go for a walk? It's late enough not to be really public   
and I can finish the clean-up in a little while."  
  
Rory nodded, finishing the mug and gathering her things. Jess wiped the table and set the   
mug in the bus-pan, and they headed out the door, walking toward the bridge.  
  
Jess whistled softly as they walked. When he moved to take her backpack from her, Rory reached   
out and laced her fingers with his, surprising him. He smiled faintly, glancing briefly at her   
but trying not to let on how much the simple gesture moved him, how much the warmth of her fingers   
burned into his heart.   
  
"You stopped whistling," she commented.  
  
He looked at her then, laughing a little. "Got distracted." He raised their entwined hands   
to show her what distracted him, and she blushed.   
  
"Sorry." She smiled and watched their walking feet.  
  
Jess smiled too, looking ahead. "I'm not."   
  
They came to the bridge and Rory slowed as they reached their usual spot in the middle,   
but Jess kept walking, pulling her slightly behind him as he rounded the corner and   
walked across a slight knoll toward a secluded bench near a cluster of bushes. He sat on   
the bench, pulling Rory down beside him. She squirmed a bit trying to get comfortable,   
then boldly swung her body around so her feet were up on the bench and her head was   
resting on his thigh.  
  
Jess reached out and played with her hair. "Comfy now?" She could hear the smirk in his   
voice.   
  
"Very." His arm was stretched across the back of the bench and she pulled it down,   
catching his fingers in hers and resting their entwined hands at her waist.   
  
They sat there in silence, just touching. She heard him inhale and moved slightly closer to   
him. "What are you thinking?"   
  
He sighed again at the murmured question. "I was thinking about whether Austen really   
would have liked Bukowski."  
  
Rory chuckled a bit and furrowed her brow. "That's kind of random."   
  
"Not really." Jess twined his fingers in her hair, pulling it up so she could see him twist it   
through his fingers. "…as she stood before my mirror, younger and more beautiful than   
any woman I had ever known, combing yards and yards of red hair as I watched her."   
Rory smiled, not recognizing the quote but warm with the compliment. "And when she   
came to bed she was more beautiful than ever." He found her eyes and she caught her   
breath at the intensity in his expression. "And the love was very very good."  
  
Rory closed her eyes and breathed deeply, moved and aroused by the intensity of emotion   
in the huskily quoted words. She turned, burying her face in his side and sliding her arms   
between the slats of the bench to wrap them around him.   
  
"Jess…"   
  
He pulled her up slightly so she was cradled in his arms, and she pressed her mouth   
against his throat, caressing the hardness of his collarbone. Rory dragged her lips   
against his neck and caught the lobe of his ear in her teeth, tugging lightly. She sat up,   
straddling his legs and pulling back slightly so she could see him. His eyes were closed, his head slightly tilted back and his lips parted. Rory felt her heart constrict at the expression on   
his face. He looked vulnerable, hopeful. She laced her fingers into his hair, cradling his head   
in her hands and pressing gentle kisses at his temples, across his forehead, under his chin,   
finally catching his lips with her own.  
  
Jess fought back tears at Rory's tender caresses. 'This time has finished me,' he thought.   
'Just like in the poem.' He clutched her more tightly to him, deepening the kiss and   
tangling his tongue with hers, willing himself not to think about how he would feel when   
this ended. He slid his hand under the hem of her shirt, against the small of her back,   
pulling gently on her hair to tilt her head back and arch her toward him, and she moaned   
softly at the sensation of his lips on her neck. He felt her fingers slip under the collar of   
his shirt and her knees tighten their grip on his hips. His hand slid down along her lower   
back, pressing her tightly against him as his mouth slid into the V of her top and caressed   
the upper swell of her breast.   
  
Jess watched the world go red as Rory sobbed his name and pressed her body against his. He   
wanted to lay her down on the bench and bury himself inside of her, completely lose   
himself in the overwhelming emotions she made him feel. He ripped his lips away from   
her skin, clutching her to him and burying his head against her chest, forcing his breathing   
steady.   
  
Rory relaxed, stroking his shoulders and pressing delicate kisses against his hair.   
"Jess…"  
  
He pulled back to look at her. "You know we have to stop."  
  
She nodded. "You know I didn't want you to stop."   
  
His face was pained. "Rory…"  
  
"Shhh." She interrupted him with a quick kiss. "Not now. I don't want to analyze it now."   
He nodded and smiled a bit. "What was the poem?"  
  
"The Retreat," he said.  
  
"There's more to it, I presume?" Jess nodded and she continued. "I'll go read it."  
  
"Don't read that one," he murmured. "Read The Bluebird instead."   
  
"OK." She tilted her head; Jess had never sounded so serious. There wasn't even a trace   
of smirk in his voice, and his face was calm. She would have said serene, except he didn't   
look content, just shuttered.  
  
"Jess…" He smiled at her and straightened, nudging her slightly toward standing up.   
  
"Come on, I'll walk you home." They stood, and he grabbed her backpack, taking her   
hand as they walked silently toward her house.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rory pulled her anthology of Beat poetry off the shelf before crawling into bed, and   
turned to the pages for Bukowski:  
  
  
there's a bluebird in my heart that  
wants to get out  
but I'm too tough for him,  
I say, stay in there, I'm not going  
to let anybody see  
you.  
  
there's a bluebird in my heart that  
wants to get out  
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale   
cigarette smoke  
and the whores and the bartenders  
and the grocery clerks  
never know that   
he's   
in there.  
  
there's a bluebird in my heart that   
wants to get out  
but I'm too tough for him,  
I say,  
stay down, do you want to mess  
me up?  
you want to screw up the  
works?  
you want to blow my book sales in   
Europe?  
  
there's a bluebird in my heart that  
wants to get out  
but I'm too clever, I only let him out  
at night sometimes  
when everybody's asleep.  
I say, I know that you're there,  
so don't be   
sad.  
  
then I put him back,  
but he's singing a little  
in there, I haven't quite let him  
die  
and we sleep together like  
that   
with our  
secret pact  
and it's nice enough to   
make a man  
weep, but I don't  
weep, do  
you?  
  
  
  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	7. Chapter 7

Rory lay in her bed, her mind consumed with memories of the past week. Every time she   
thought about Jess, her body remembered what it felt like when he touched her, and her   
face flamed. She was completely avoiding him in public out of fear that her face would   
give them away. Fortunately her mother generally avoided the topic of Jess, and he   
hadn't been around much when they'd gone to the diner. She figured he was keeping his   
distance for the same reasons she was.   
  
Rory realized she wasn't going to get any sleep; her body was too bothered to relax. She   
crawled out of bed and pulled on shoes, then climbed out her window and headed to the   
bridge. She consciously repressed the hope that he might have had the same idea. She   
was just going for a walk to help herself relax and sleep. But when she reached the bridge   
and didn't see him, she suddenly felt very tired. She walked over to the edge where   
they'd had the picnic and sat down.   
  
Jess watched her as she approached the bridge, curling his lips faintly when he saw   
disappointment change her posture. 'She wanted me to be here,' he thought. He slid out   
from the shadow of the tree and crept quietly toward her, stopping when he reached the   
edge of the bridge. He assumed his familiar slouch, hands in his pockets, and pursed his   
lips into a wolf whistle. He sensed rather than saw her smile, and he moved to sit behind   
her, pulling her in between his legs.   
  
"Hey." he whispered into her ear. "Whatcha doin' out here so late?"  
  
"I snuck out," she whispered back. "I was hoping I'd find you."  
  
"Looks like you got lucky." He wrapped his arms around her waist and snuggled her   
closer against his chest. They sat there in companionable silence for a little while, until   
Rory spoke.  
  
"I like it when you just hold me like this."  
  
"Mm-hmm." She felt his lips brush her hair.   
  
"That means there's more than just passion between us, doesn't it? I mean, I wouldn't   
want to just sit with you if all I wanted was to get you naked."  
  
Jess wasn't sure his heart was still beating. "Probably not."  
  
"And the other day, when Luke caught us, I didn't really care that he knew."  
  
Now Jess's heart was racing. "Yeah, he was cool about it."  
  
"And when you were in my room that night, I wished you could just stay and hold me   
while I slept."   
  
Jess wondered if he could pinch himself without taking his arms from around her and   
without her noticing.  
  
"And I'm really kind of tired of having to avoid you in public."  
  
Jess snorted. "Yeah."  
  
"S-so…" her voice trailed off.   
  
"Yeah?" He held his breath.   
  
"So I think I'd better talk to Dean and my mother tomorrow."   
  
Jess exhaled sharply and went completely still. Rory felt him stiffen and panicked a   
little, twisting in his arms to see his face.   
  
"Jess? What's wrong? I don't have to…" Rory saw his expression and her panic   
increased. "What is it? I'm sorry—if you don't want…"   
  
He cut her off, grabbing her harshly to him and pressing his mouth to hers more   
aggressively than he ever had before. His forcefulness shocked her and she started to   
resist, then suddenly she realized he was claiming her and she relaxed in his arms. The   
world tilted as she realized how much he'd been holding back before, and she gave   
herself over to his possession, returning his kisses and trying to convey how much she   
shared the emotions he was finally showing her.  
  
Jess eventually pulled away from her lips, burying his head in her shoulder but barely   
relaxing his grip around her body. She caressed his back and smoothed his hair, gently   
rubbing her cheek against the crown of his head. She wanted to soothe the tumult of   
emotions, but when she felt the cool dampness of his tears against her throat her own   
feelings overwhelmed her and tears pricked at her eyes.   
  
Jess moved back to look at her, clearly struggling for control. "I was sure you were going   
to pick him." He inhaled deeply and blinked deliberately. "I didn't even let myself think   
about…" A self-deprecating smile played over his lips. "I just tried so hard to prepare   
myself for what it would feel like when you stopped wanting to touch me…I was totally   
unprepared for this."   
  
"How could you not have seen it, Jess?" Rory squinted at him, as if trying to see inside   
him. "How could you not understand that when I touched you…"   
  
Jess shook his head. "I still can't believe that you're choosing me." His face suddenly   
relaxed as he remembered something. "The other night…in your room. You said…"  
  
"I love you, Jess. I know it's too early to say it…"  
  
But he had pulled her back into his arms, lifting her and laying her down on the bridge,   
sliding his body fully against hers and capturing her lips in a caress of passion and   
tenderness as he finally opened his heart completely and let her in. 


End file.
